Two individuals shaking hands in front of Canadian and American flags, dressed in formal business attire, at a diplomatic event And by "grand Canadian welcome," I mean a tiny-ass red carpet.

The red carpet at the Academy Awards is usually considered hallowed ground. Unlike the Grammys or the MTV Awards, or even the Golden Globes, it is neither the time nor the place for funny business.

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And by "grand Canadian welcome," I mean a tiny-ass red carpet. Here it is: As you can see, that carpet is very small and goes right into a puddle. The jokes are good for this one: "We decided to only ...